The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached
to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather
than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish
In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil
servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced
with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one
less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesom
“ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent
shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the
languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z
and “w” by “v”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”,
and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.